Insecurities
by nyanhart
Summary: It's been quite a while since Hide and Kaneki could ever get some time together, through everything that's gone on. But even through all that, Kaneki had one pulse of worry toward Hide that he never admitted. Although it was probably nothing, he worried about anyways, and knew that one day he would have to satisfy Hide's suspicions and fess up.


Kaneki sipped his coffee uncomfortably, and not because of his eye patch pressing onto his face. It was early afternoon, and his eyes were once again glued on a book. Anteiku was running as usual, and Kaneki managed to get a day to spend time with Hide. In between not answering his texts and cancelling their dates, the excuse of "but rabbits die of loneliness, Kaneki!" was getting a bit old. Kaneki would have to work double shift next time, but it was worth the sacrifice.

Still, it stuck Kaneki's extensive curiosity as to what Hide even did when Kaneki wasn't around. He would assumed his job, or schoolwork, or any hobbies that Hide was accustomed to. That was the usual case, but Kaneki's concerns didn't fall on Hide's public everyday life this time. It touched on something a bit more… private, so to speak. Something that Kaneki definitely wouldn't voice his concerns about openly. Something Touka or someone would probably raise an eyebrow and call him either the typical teenage boy, or borderline clingy. Maybe it wasn't clingy. It was the entirety of an undecided struggle.

Hide sat on the other side of the table, sipping his own coffee steadily. Their so-called coffee date was quieter than he hoped for. He hadn't seen Kaneki in a while, and he didn't really like the idea of an awkward coffee date to reconcile. The most talking either of them did was a short greeting, some bickering between Touka and Kaneki because Kaneki wasn't working, and the ordering of their coffee. Of course, Hide wasn't going to have it.

"Kaneki. Wanna head to my place after this, or yours?" A nice, blunt question to break the silence. Hide sipped his coffee, eyeing Kaneki and waiting for an answer.

Kaneki looked up from his book, a bit startled at the question. He could feel Touka glaring holes in the back of his head. Which made him more nervous; Touka being angry or Hide's true intentions? "Your place, I guess." Kaneki answered, surprisingly calm.

"It's not like you to seem nervous, you know." Hide said. "I mean, not anymore. Something bothering you?"

Kaneki shook his head. "Nope. Nothing." Liar.

"Well, if that's the case…" Hide saw right through him. "We can get going if you want, then. You look like you're done your coffee."

Hide was at least right about that. Kaneki's cup was about empty, some of the bitter fluid settling at the very bottom. It was also a bit cold anyways; basically undesirable. "Sure. I'll go now."

Their visit was already paid for, so they stood from the table and walked out, their cups taken to the back and the table once again vacant. Hide grabbed Kaneki's hand as they walked out, his plain expression turning into a bright smile that matched the sun. It made Kaneki blush no matter what, and gave him that happy warmth in his stomach. It was a pleasant feeling.

But not even that could mask over his concerns. Maybe his suspicions of being too clingy or overthinking the whole mess were true, but that didn't stop Kaneki from mulling over it. Even before the incident, Kaneki and Hide were together, perhaps not as close as they were presently. Somehow through all the trauma and events, this kind of petty worry of Kaneki's still managed to make it through. How significant.

When it came to sexuality, it was obvious Hide and Kaneki were both open to each other. They knew difference between having sex and making love. Kaneki was usually on the receiving end, but that's how he preferred it. He would switch occasionally if Hide asked, and it didn't go completely horribly according to both of them.

However, the problem sinks down to their difference of what's 'fun'. Even with his "new anatomical additions", Kaneki was still accustomed to the most basic vanilla. He had a few preferences, or perhaps kinks would be a better word, to boot, but none of them were major, or taboo to put it better (there's the slight daddy kink, but that's kept heavily under wraps and only applied maybe two times).

Hide on the other hand, had a list that was probably longer than any essay he ever wrote in college, or school in general for that matter. He was pretty flexible, both physically and sexually. Some of the stuff he wanted to try with Kaneki would either gross Kaneki out or freak him out to the point of just hiding his face and interests in a book. This didn't just happen once; it's happened a lot. Hide was pretty patient with Kaneki, and he tried his best not to pressure his partner to do anything he didn't want to. Baby steps were key.

Even if Hide assured him, Kaneki still couldn't help to worry that maybe Hide was growing impatient of him in reality. It's been a while since the two have been intimate, and Kaneki was worried that it would be another relapse. Perhaps Hide would even voice his frustrations instead keeping those assumed thoughts to himself. And then insecurities roll in; is Hide getting tired of me? Am I not satisfying him enough? Did he go to someone else while I was out of commission?

Hide wouldn't be that shallow or unfaithful, but Kaneki kept it on his mind anyways. The paranoia drowned him faster than water ever would. His mind was occupied as they walked to Hide's place, the walk being just as silent as the coffee date. Hide led his precious quickly; he wanted to get inside.

Soon, they got to Hide's residence and made their way in. Kaneki took off his shoes as Hide closed and locked the door, kicking his own shoes off. Hide looked over to Kaneki, with that smile that didn't cease, and wiggled his eyebrows. It was a pretty obvious implication; "Hey, you won't need that book, because it's never boring when we're at my place. I keep it interesting. Also, you won't need those clothes, either." It's worse because Hide actually said that verbatim once, and it's burned into Kaneki's memory.

Hide grabbed Kaneki's hand again, leading him off to his bedroom. The curtains were still closed and the bed was still unkempt. Hide's hand released Kaneki's, his arm wrapping around Kaneki's waist. Kaneki's heart began to pound; it was the crucial moment now.

Hide planted little kisses on Kaneki's neck, his fingers creeping up Kaneki's progressively untucked shirt. Even Hide's little touches managed to control Kaneki somehow, no matter what state of mind he was in. He felt at ease for the moment, letting Hide do what he pleased. Soon, Hide pushed him toward the bed, laying Kaneki down on his stomach, and Hide leaning over him, keeping his mouth on the other's neck.

Kaneki's face pressed onto the mattress, the warmth on his face beginning to rise. Even through all of the contact, he needed to ask the question he's been holding in for a while now. "H-Hey, Hide…"

"Mmm?" Hide spoke into Kaneki's skin, but still spoke in between even softer kisses. "What is it? Do you not want to?"

"No, it's not that, it's just…" Kaneki tried to put his words together. "Do… do you want to?"

Hide raised an eyebrow. "What kind of question is that? Of course I want to." Hide's hands moved back down to Kaneki's shirt, trying to pull it off. "I mean, it's been so long since I've had you to myself like this… It's exciting."

"That's not what I really meant, Hide."

"Then what did you mean? Spit it out already."

"I mean, like… we're two different people. We might as well be from two different worlds, you know? We don't have a lot of similarities when it comes to this kind of stuff."

"Kaneki…" Hide's voice grew softer. "You're… not thinking of breaking up with me, are you?"

Kaneki sighed. "No, Hide. Not even close to that. I mean…" This was getting harder. Kaneki only dug himself into a deeper hole as he kept rambling on. He needed to get to the point. "Do you… find me boring in bed?"

There was a dead silence. The death of Kaneki Ken's overall dignity when Hide burst out laughing.

"H-Hey! It's not funny Hide!" Kaneki get frustrated, trying to scold Hide over his laughter. "Hide, stop it! This is serious!"

Hide managed to calm himself down enough to reply. "Kaneki, you're so funny, you know? Worrying about things that don't matter."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Kaneki, I don't find you boring at all. If anything, you're the thrill for me here." Hide grinned.

"But… I'm never willing to try anything you dish out. I feel bad because we can't ever play out any of your fantasies."

Hide shrugged. "No one's perfect, right? Look, if I have fantasies that don't fit, then what do I do? Change and replace them, of course! It's not that big of a deal, Kaneki." Hide reassured him. "Besides, every fantasy I have includes you…"

"So you're not bummed about doing the same things?"

"We can change it up whenever you're ready. I know I'm a bit out there when it comes to kinks, but I'll wind it down just for you. Whatever makes you comfortable, Kaneki." Hide's grin turned back into a smile. His head lowered back down on Kaneki's neck, the kisses going up to Kaneki's ear. "Besides…" Hide whispered. "It's been a while since we've been alone. I wouldn't want to overdo it."

Hide's whispers made Kaneki shiver. Kaneki was surprised that Hide was so cool about. Maybe he expected it but could force it into his reality. At least there was relief to be found. "Y-You make a point…"

Hide chuckled quietly, pecking Kaneki's ear. He got off of Kaneki, flipped him over so he was on his back. Hide observed Kaneki's bare chest from his shirt being lifted up, and with Kaneki's assistance, pulled it off completely. Hide tossed it aside, and then got back up on the bed to straddle the other. "I'm gonna be gentle with you this time. We can't just rush into things like this."

Kaneki nodded. His face was getting redder by the moment. At this point his worries and self-conscious thoughts were out of sight. Th only thing on his mind was Hide and his current intentions. Hide smirked, lowering down so he could finally plant the first kiss on Kaneki's mouth. His hands were placed on either side of Kaneki's face, and his hips grinded down on the other's.

The excitement was already beginning for the both of them. Hide pulled out of the kiss, diving back into Kaneki's ear to whisper with hot breath. "I'm gonna take off all your clothes and play with you for a little while. I'll make you feel like you're going to cum and quickly deny you. Then I'm gonna pin you down so you can't touch yourself and make you feel amazing. I'll fill you up all nice like I used to and leave you soaked. And maybe if I cum first, you can jack off in my mouth." Hide's grinding got rougher as he spoke on. Then he chuckled. "Or maybe you'd prefer my lips on your cock instead, babe."

Kaneki was almost putty in Hide's hands. It was like Hide to whisper his schemes to try and turn Kaneki on. The 'babe' added onto the end dripped with lust, and was Hide's own little addition to his dirty talk. Perhaps everything was okay after all; Kaneki was definitely overthinking it. What a relief. For now, Kaneki had other things to think about for the timebeing…


End file.
